Death by Weather Channel

In a household with a nine-year old, you might think our favorite channel would be something like Nickelodeon. Or maybe Cartoon Network or PBS.

Nope.

Most of the time our television is tuned to . . . the Weather Channel.

My son is – how can I say this nicely – very interested in the weather. Ok, he’s obsessed with it. So much so, that is a constant topic of conversation at our house. A cloudy day is cause for concern, and a chance of rain (no matter how small) will put us on high alert. And with this obsession comes the Weather Channel.

How do you know when you might be watching too much of the Weather Channel? That’s easy: when you know all of the meteorologists by name! Yep, you know it’s a serious storm if Jim Cantore is covering it!

I truly hope I never see Jim in my neighborhood. Not that I have anything against him; he seems like a nice enough fellow. But if you watch the Weather Channel for say more than five minutes, then you know that Jim only covers the really serious storms. So I’d just as soon not have any of those nearby.

It’s a sad day when my son, full of excitement, runs up to me and says, “Guess what comes on in 10 minutes?! Weather Center!”

Please, someone, help me.

We watch most of the original shows that come on Weather Channel. Some are interesting; others, not so much. For example, a recent series titled “Deadliest Space Weather” was, how can I say this, enlightening to say the least. For example, do you know what would happen if it was as hot on earth as it is on Venus? Well, basically, we’d all fry.

And what would happen if were to suddenly become, say, 600 degrees below zero like on Saturn or some such remote place? Frozen, all of us.

And some people think television isn’t good for anything.

What’s really exciting is when there is bad weather predicted for the area. I’m talking the kind that requires a WEATHER ALERT. I live in an area of the country where they issue an alert if a cloud appears. And every time we have an alert, there’s cause for concern in our household. There’s a lot of pacing, a lot of hand wringing. And, of course, a lot of questions, like, “It’s not going to be bad is it?”

So a couple of weeks ago, we were driving back home through a pretty rough storm. So there we are, lightening flashing all around us, and me hoping the car not only can stay on the road but can also float if needed. And in the back, there’s my son, bouncing up and down and squealing like he’s on a roller coaster at Six Flags!

Yep, my lesson is the same once again: It’s hard to figure kids sometimes. In other words, once again I haven’t learned anything new.

But one thing’s for sure, while I’m not opposed to watching Jim Cantore, I never thought I’d be raising him as my own son.