10 reasons why my iPod should be confiscated

Some years ago, I was fortunate enough to have an iPod come into my life. For a person who worked his way through college by playing actual, real-to-goodness 45 records at a local radio station, I still find the technology that allows us digital music to be quite incredible.

However, my iPod recently konked out. It would freeze up for days on end. And, even worse, I had just bought a whole slew of new songs and couldn’t squeeze them on. So I bought a new one, one just like my daughter’s – the Classic with 160 gigabytes, which is only about 155 GBs more than I need.

I grew up (some might say survived) during both the Disco Era and New Wave Era. It’s hard to listen to such artists as Flock of Seagulls, Kajagoogoo, and Wall of Voodoo unscathed. And those scars now appear as songs on my iPod.

And those are just a few of the abusive things I do to this wonderful machine. It wouldn’t surprise me if the folks at Apple took my iPod away. Here are 10 other reasons why they probably should.

1. My Singing

I’m sure many of you do this. When I’m in the car (usually, but not always) alone, I turn my music up real loud and, ahem, sing along. I use the term “sing” loosely here because that’s the one skill that is, shall we say, a bit lacking. But I do it none the less. Then I usually forget to turn the volume down. When we get in the car the next time and the music blasts away as soon as I turn the key, I always blame my daughter for turning it up. I find this tactic works in many areas of my life.

2. Music by the Bee Gees

I have a number of songs on my iPod by the Bee Gees, and that number is not zero.

3. Werewolves of London

I make my kids howl along with the lyrics in this song. Of course, they could be just howling at my singing.

4. Put the Lime in the Coconut

I sort of admit to having this song on my iPod. And, even worse, I sort of admit to knowing most of the words.

5. Strange playlists

Most people do a really smart thing – they fill their iPods with songs they actually like. I do that, too. But I also have a new category that I invented – Songs I Don’t Hate. I’m not sure when or how I started this. But sometimes I’ll hear a song on the radio, and I’ll think, “I don’t hate that song.” And what better way to demonstrate your non hatred of a song than to add it to your playlist. Unfortunately, I always just end up skipping them whenever they play. Hmmmm. I wonder why . . .

6. Vanilla Ice

Does this one really need any additional explanation?

7. Smooth jazz

At some point in my life, I found smooth jazz very relaxing. And I’ve grown to like it so much, that I not only know several specific pieces by actual real-life performers, that I’ve added some of these to my player. I get really mad when people say it’s nothing but elevator music. It’s not! Escalator music, maybe. But NOT elevator music!!

8. Disco

I grew up during the Disco Era. Under heavy medication, I MIGHT admit to having some of these songs on my iPod. And with a heavier dose, I might even admit to liking some of them.

9. The Gap Band

I not only know who this group is, but may or may not have some of their songs on my iPod.

10. Going down to Funkytown

The main reason I have “Funkytown” on my iPod is because I love to dance to it when I play Dance Central. Ok, there might be one other talent I have rivals my singing . . .

Ok, I admit it. I do have some (translation: most of my songs) are pretty bad. But I’m not the only one, am I? What’s the most embarrassing song you have on yours?