That egg roll was some kind of awful!

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect.

Well, on second thought, my kids would be the first to admit that. Followed closely by the many girlfriends I’ve dated. Oh, and I’m sure a reader or two. Or dozen or so.

But that’s not the important thing. The important thing is that no matter how many mistakes I make, I always try to learn a valuable life lesson – lessons that I can take with me and apply throughout my life.

If you’re a regular reader, you know that I have a tendency to sometimes get myself in (hmmmmmm, how can I put this nicely) peculiar situations.

This was the kind of egg roll that made you question you'd ever want to eat again.

This was the kind of egg roll that made you question you’d ever want to eat again.

But I ALWAYS try to learn from those situations. So that’s a good thing, right.

Like for example, the time I dropped the marinara sauce in the hospital and mighta, sorta insinuated that my daughter did it.

But I learned a valuable lesson from it: next time I spill marinara sauce in a hospital, I won’t blame my daughter. (I’ll just have to hope my son is handy . . . )

See? Lesson learned!

Or the time I tried to make the hot dog smoothies . . . Oh wait, I didn’t actually learn a lesson from that one. Never mind.

But last week I DID learn a lesson. A very valuable one.

My son had a Quiz Bowl tournament the other day in a town a little over an hour from here. He was riding on the school bus. I was taking my car. Easy enough – PLUS, I could listen to some of my favorite tunes REAL LOUD.

But as is often the case, there was a small problem.

I was kinda hungry. So instead of making something to eat and take with me (the smart and economical thing) or picking up something on my way out of town (the slightly less smart thing), I decided I’d stop by the Sonic in a small town about 20 miles down the road (the very much lesser smart thing to do).

Well, it turned out that this particular Sonic, that does in fact have a breakfast menu, does NOT open until 9 a.m.

I was a bit perplexed. But oh well, there was a little convenience store across the highway. I figured they would have some of those really good bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits. I mean, there is a federal law (that applied in the south, at least, that requires stores like this to carry a certain quota of greasy sort-of-food-type items, right?)

Apparently not.

But what they DID have was something that the lady behind the counter identified as an egg roll. There were about a half-dozen of them. Spinning in one of those spinning contraptions that keeps the food warm and the customers MESMERIZED if they watch them too long.

Hmmmmmm. And egg roll. For breakfast.

Well, you need to understand that I like non-breakfast food for breakfast, especially cheeseburgers.

But this wasn’t a cheeseburger. It was something that was shaped like an egg roll.

Despite that little nagging voice that was screaming in my head “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD AND EVEN THE WORLD BEYOND, DON’T EAT THE EGG ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duly noted, I replied to that little voice. What does a voice know about food anyway?

Once in the car, I unwrapped my treasure – much like a starving man might unwrap an egg roll that he purchased from a convenience store. Oh wait . . .

As I pulled onto the highway, I took a bite, and my immediate reaction was . . .

. . . Hmmmmmm, that’s a peculiar taste.

I wasn’t sure if the people responsible for making such a product had used rat meat or if a rat had just laid its eggs inside the egg roll (rats do lay eggs, right?), but it was what I’d label as an exquisite taste.

In fact, it was about five miles on the wrong side of awful.

Or as we say in the south, it ain’t right.

I rolled down my window and heaved it as far as I could. And I watched in horror as a precious little deer pounced on my discarded egg roll, took a bite, and immediately keeled over.

Well, ok, so that last part didn’t really happen. But it could have.

So what’s the lesson I learned from all of that?

Never buy an egg roll for breakfast from a greasy convenience store that doesn’t have REAL breakfast food at 8:30 in the morning while traveling to a Quiz Bowl tournament.

See? A life lesson that can be applied throughout my life.

  2 comments for “That egg roll was some kind of awful!

  1. November 12, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    I have no personal experience in this area, mind you, but I’m relatively certain the bizarre non-food named the “taquito” could teach you the same lesson.

    • November 12, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      Ha! Yes, I believe you’re right.

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