The Girlfriend With No Name

Dating has changed a lot for me this second time around.

The first time I was single, I was young, geeky, and didn’t have any money.

Now, in my second act of dating, I’m old(er), still geeky (maybe geekier – if that’s possible) , have kids, and still don’t have any money.

The guy on the left has no trouble attracting women. The guy on the right? Weeeelllllll . . . that's a different story.

The guy on the left has no trouble attracting women. The guy on the right? Weeeelllllll . . . that’s a different story.

Ok, so maybe not much has changed, with me anyway. But the dating itself is waaaaay different. I’ve thought many times about writing a blog post chronicling all my dating adventures, but I value my life just a little too much for that post to see the light of day. So what I’m going to do is write it . . . then save it. I’m going to leave instructions to publish it after my death.

You’ll want to stay tuned for that one. Some of the stories I could tell . . . Of course, I’m sure the stories I tell would pale in comparison to the stories my dates could tell about me . . . That’s what’s really scary.

First you need to know, I don’t have good luck with dating. What kind of luck do I have? I have this kind: someone set me up on a blind date once. But once we met she didn’t want to go out with me anymore because I looked too much like her brother. What are the chances? Anyway, that’s the kind of dating luck I have.

And it’s all so different now. Back when I was in college it was simple. I would see a girl I like, ask her out, and she could turn me down right there on the spot. Clean and simple.

But NOW, now we’ve got online dating and texting and emailing and Facebooking and who knows what else. And there are rules to using ALL of these when you’re dating. There’s only one problem: NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THOSE RULES ARE!

If you were to go throughout the world seeking the answer, maybe even climb one of those mountain to visit with one of those wise men, there would probably be an “Out to Lunch” sign waiting for you. Because even THOSE guys don’t know the answer.

And while I’ve met several very nice ladies through online dating, I’ve also had my share of . . . ummmmmm, not so nice ladies.

And sometimes I get myself in trouble without even trying.

For instance, one time I met someone on-line and we started seeing each other. Things were going pretty well. But there was just one itty bitty problem: I never knew her last name.

I know what you’re thinking – how do you go out with someone and not know their name? I asked myself that several times. Maybe (possibly, probably) she told me early on. But I really couldn’t remember.

And really, how do you ask someone their name after you’ve been out a few times. I mean, when she’s telling you how she feels about you, it just doesn’t seem quite appropriate to answer with “By the way, what’s your last name?”

It was like the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry didn’t know the name of the woman he was dating. Only now, this was really happening!

So what I thought I’d do was, I thought I’d try to find her on Facebook. She lived in a nearby town, so I figured we had some mutual friends. I could type in her first name and . . . PRESTO! Hers would be one of the names that would pop up.

Uh-Uh. Wasn’t happening. Just my luck. There are maybe nine people in the western hemisphere who don’t have a Facebook account, and I happened to be dating one of them.

So then I was left with the option of either just admitting I didn’t know what her last name was, or just moving on.

It turned out I didn’t have to do either. She moved on.

I always wondered if she knew that I didn’t know her name. But then I thought, maybe she didn’t know my name either.

But probably she did. Probably she knew my name AND a few other things. And if I had to guess, she’s working on a blog post about me right now . . .

  3 comments for “The Girlfriend With No Name

  1. July 15, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    Ok I laughed – no chortled – out loud and read this one to my Hub and grandson. Bless your heart, I was afraid to ask thinking you might not have ventured out into that slime pit of … But wait a minute … Some people really have found true love again by running a marathon through the muck. If anyone is tenacious and deserving enough to find a new mate, it’s you. Do keep us posted … Or at least let Justine know where we can find that hidden stash of dating tales. Just in case.

    • July 16, 2014 at 8:56 am

      Ha. This was a fun one to write. There really are a lot of funny stories I’d like to share, but I think it’s best of some things remain unsaid. At least for now 🙂

      And thank you. I’ll keep everyone updated on my progress.

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