Ok. I know last year’s birthday was a bit of a letdown. As you may remember, I was hoping to either have singer Sade sing Happy Birthday to me. Or I was hoping for a date with Sheryl Crow.
And while neither has indicated if she will be able to make this year’s party, I’m really not worried about it. Because this year I don’t need any validation from celebrities.
I’m not sure what I’ll be doing for my 50th birthday this year. But if I can’t land a date with Sheryl Crow or Sade (both are still a solid maybe at the moment), then I’m sure I’ll be having fun with my kids.
You see, this year’s birthday is a big un. It’s the big 5-0.
Yep. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true.
And what’s really exciting for me is that I think this birthday will finally marshal in my final growth spurt.
You see, I’m not a real big guy. So I’m hoping to add a few inches, and I want to add them VERTICALLY.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. When you get to be a geezer as old as I am, then I should probably just be happy to have all of my parts still working (well, most of them. A few need a little oiling from time to time).
And not only that, but I think I’m finally about to BECOME A MAN!
Again, I know it’s hard to believe, but I think I’m finally almost old enough to shave EVERYDAY. Now THAT’S exciting.
You see, not only am I not a real big person, I’m not a real hairy person, either. Some of you guys may remember back in our school days, the guys who were shaving by like fifth grade. And I remember thinking, it will be so cool when I can shave every day. Or NOT, and grow a cool beard or something.
Well, I’m still waiting for that day.
So you might be wondering where all my optimism is coming from. Well, there have been some signs.
Like for instance, I was counting my chest hairs the other day, and I noticed I was up to EIGHT! (I thought it was nine, but one of them turned out to be a crumb from a Hostess Ding Dong I had eaten earlier in the day. Darn! SO CLOSE!!)
Also, in the last 10 or 15 years, I’ve had to increase the number of times I shave from just one time a week to THREE WHOLE TIMES. A week!
Ok, so I admit it’s no taking Sheryl out for a good time (hint, hint) and it falls a little short of having Sade croon over me while I’m blowing out birthday candles.
But shaving everyday is something to hand my hope on. And that’s always important – especially when you’re still a growing boy.
Holding together the jello 
You DO know we start shrinking past 50 as our rib cage sinks into our donut ring thanks to the magic of gravity. The good news is if you like shoe shopping, you’ll be doing it as height shrinks and arches drop and feet spread. (Good for surfing!)
Not to burst your birthday balloon or anything but go ahead – hang your hope on hair.
And for what it’s worth, you don’t look a day over 42 🙂
Oh NO! This completely changes EVERYTHING! I was still hoping to try out for my high school basketball team.
And thank you. I would have been happy if you said not a day over 47, so you made my day!
Oh, I’m sorry; I got that wrong – you look 47 but you ACT LIKE YOU’re 42 🙂
Ha! I figured I acted more like I was just 7!
Happy (belated?) Birthday! 🙂
My birthday is in November, so you’re either a little late or a little early. Either way, thank you.
And thank you for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
LOL I’m bad with dates… :p
Mark, I’ll tell you a secret, my husband is just like that and I think it’s pretty damn sexy (even after forty-two years of marriage) 🙂
Awesome! I’m glad you think so. Now I just need to find a woman who thinks like you 🙂
Thanks for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it.