Normally, you don’t have to twist my arm to drink a milkshake. In fact, I’m usually looking for an excuse, ANY excuse, to slurp one down (or is it slurp one up. Hmmmmmmm).
What exactly was IT, you ask? Actually, there were two ITs. But let me back up for a second.
My son and I are always looking for things to do together, and sometimes those activities involve food. Eating is an activity, right? So from time to time we enjoy getting some ice cream. Simple enough.
But then last summer, Sonic had to go and do the First IT. Now, you need to understand that I love Sonic Drive In. It’s probably my favorite fast food restaurant.
But they almost ruined last year and my waistline when they declared it The Summer of Shakes. That’s right, Sonic was offering somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 (or was it 2,500) shake flavors.
When we heard this, we made a pact. We were going to try them. ALL of them.
Even if we had to hurt ourselves trying.
But there was one flavor we were skeptical about (and which I secretly hoped that if I kept putting off, my son would forget about in his sugar-induced haze he would be living in). And that was the Peanut Butter and Bacon flavor.
And I thought I was safe . . . until the other IT happened.
While sitting at Sonic one night in August, my son brought the matter to a head when he issued the deadly Triple Dog Dare!
Now having seen the movie A Christmas Story somewhere in the neighborhood of 7,349 times, I should have known better than to even consider following through on a dare of this magnitude. (In case you’ve forgotten, Christmas Story is the movie where the kid wants a bb gun so that he can shoot all the criminals and scoundrels in the neighborhood).
But did I let all those hours of learning deter me from being a REAL MAN?
Ohhhhh nooooooooo. Not one, weeeee little bit.
I ordered one. Then I went a step further.
I tasted it.
How was it? Well, imagine that you rummaged through your trash, scooped some peanut butter from the bottom of your trash bag, and somehow that concoction had mixed with some old bacon grease you had thrown out sometime before the turn of the century. And not the most recent century, either.
It was NOT something I want to experience again. If we want to see crime rates drop in this country, forget the death penalty. Just make prisoners drink one of these shakes every day.
In humane punishment you say? Well, sure. But on the bright side, it will leave more of the chocolate shakes for us.
And chocolate was what I had resolved to limit myself to until the end of time.
That was until Sonic issued yet another Summer of Shake proclamation. The good news is, that awful flavor had been stricken from the menu.
The bad news is, they had offered a new flavor. And one that sounded equally horrendous – chocolate and jalapeno.
Without wasting any time dancing around it this summer, my son immediately issued a Quadruple Dog Dare.
Now I’ve never heard of a QDD, but it can’t be a good thing.
And I figure it could be worse. At least my son didn’t QDD me to stick my tongue to a frozen light pole. See, I did learn a little something from watching the movie.
Now, get me a straw . . .