For Sale: World’s Worst Dog

Here’s the ad I want to write:

For sale: Buddy, World’s Worst Dog.

Are you up for a challenge? Then this dog is for you!

What’s he like? Imagine a large mass of kinetic energy, completely unstoppable, and encased in fur.

The best way to describe him is as “Aggressively Friendly.” He loves people, and he doesn’t hesitate to let people know EXACTLY how he feels. And there’s no bashfulness when it comes to meeting to new people.

So why would I sell such a fine animal?

It feels like at some point in this life (or one or two lives previously) I’m being punished for something. And now, it’s time for my parole.

But perhaps more importantly, you’re asking why YOU would want this dog?

That’s a fair question. I mean, why would anyone want such a bad dog?

Ahhhhhh, but that’s the thing. You wouldn’t be buying the dog for your own pleasure and enjoyment.

Instead, imagine someone you’re mad at. Perhaps a co-worker who shared a bad tunafish sandwhich with you one time, and you spent the afternoon in the bathroom. Or perhaps a relative who, well, who just does relative things.

So you buy this dog and present it to them as a gift!

Ta-da!

Imagine the look on their face (along with the joy in your heart) is you give a gift that’s just going to keep giving. And giving. And giving yet some more . . .

That’s right! A chance for you to get even with someone under the guise of doing something quite nice.

Or perhaps, you DO want a challenge. And Buddy will give you a challenge each and every day.

But he does have a few redeeming qualities. For instance, he will do laundry. However, he refuses to do any ironing.

Dishes? Yes, he’ll do those, too. But when it comes to drying, he’s all paws.

So don’t miss out on this deal! Just don’t be mad when your clothes still have wrinkles at the end of the day.