Never lick a gift horse in the mouth, and other misquoted song lyrics

I won’t deny it. When I’m in the car, I like to crank up the radio, find a song I like, and sing (ok, maybe closer to wailing) away.

I won’t do it with others in the car. Not because I don’t want to share my voice, but my singing is so bad, it’s been outlawed in 47 of the 50 stares, and 22 countries around the world. In fact one country, my voice has been registered as a lethal weapon.

But my bad singing voice isn’t the only problem. I also tend to butcher the lyrics. And using the word “butcher” does a disservice to meat cutters around the world.

My interpretation of some  lyrics aren’t quite right. It reminds me a lot of the VW commercial featuring people messing up the words to Elton John’s “Rocket Man.”

I’ve misquoted songs in the same way. Sometimes deliberately so. My daughter and I changed Elton John’s “Someone saved my life tonight” to “Someone take a bath tonight.”

And you remember the song “Turn the beat around”? We changed that to “Turn the bed around, because I want to lie down. Turn the covers down, do not make a loud sound.” Stupid? Sure, but it’s the stuff that makes family memories.

But no one could misquote a song like my late wife. If there was a song on the radio, the chances were good that she would get several dozen of the words wrong.

One of the funniest was when she thought ELO’s song “Evil Woman,” was actually called “Medieval Woman.” Although, admittedly, a lot of the rest of the lyrics of the song kind of fit her title . . .

She also swore (until I finally showed her an album with the correct title) that James Taylor’s remake of “Handy Man” was actually called “Candy Man.” I’m not sure, but maybe she was confusing Taylor with Sammy David, Jr. You’ll have to admit the resemblance between the two singers is uncanny.

Another of her most famous confusions about songs was one by the Marshall Tucker Band. She thought “Heard it in a Love Song.” was actually called “Purty little love song.” For those of you who aren’t sure, the word “purty” is the southern way of saying “pretty.”

However, my wife didn’t stop with just songs. She could misquote famous quotes just as easily. For instance, for years she thought the expression was “Don’t lick a gift horse in the mouth.”

Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t need anyone to tell me to lay off French kissing horses.

Yes, listening to the radio with my wife was always an adventure. You never knew what you were going to get.

Now if you’ll excuse me. I need to go take a shower. And belt out a few lyrics of “Medieval Woman” . . .