Join my Fantasy Household Cleaning league

Some people play fantasy football or baseball. They have entire leagues and tournaments they take part in.

Not me, though. Instead, I do fantasy housework.

I find that housework is a lot easier and less stressful if I don’t actually do it. I have the cleanest house on the block – in my mind! You’ll never see a more lush, manicured lawn than the one I imagine.

And using the fantasy method, it leaves a lot more time to do the things I enjoy – like watching “Sharknado” on SyFy or any number of bad Lifetime movies.

Sometimes I get the kids involved, too. Why, just the other night I was cooking, when I realized I needed one more dish. Macaroni and Cheese would be perfect, I thought. But we were out. So I asked my daughter if she would like some pretend Macaroni and Cheese. She agreed. I told her she could have as much as she wanted as long as she left some for me.

Pretend food is also great if you’re trying to watch what you eat, like I normally am. You can eat as much as you want without feeling guilty. Of course, you’re still kind of hungry afterwards . . .

I’ve also found I can get more (or less, depending on how you look at it) done by multitasking. There are some who argue that multitasking is impossible – you can’t actually do more than one thing at a time.

I beg to differ. I can multitask with the best of them. Why just the other night, I was procrastinating four things at once. I needed to do laundry, cook dinner, do some yard work, and grade some papers for summer school. I know there are doubters out there who find it hard to believe this. In fact, I’ve procrastinated up to 12 things at ONE TIME. Yes! Somehow, I’ve honed the skill of multitasking!

Who said it couldn’t be done? It felt good to get so much procrastinating and fantasizing done at the same time.

I tried to put off 17 things one time, but that just proved too overwhelming. I mean, there is a limit to how much a person can multitask, you know.

If you’re interested in joining my Fantasy Household Cleaning league, just let me know. Right now I need to go check on a colony of bacteria growing in my bathtub. I plan on getting it all cleaned up . . . but just not right now.