During the summer, I was having lunch with a friend. As was so often the case, our conversation turned to college football. The 2024 season was still several weeks away, and fans’ hearts were brimming over with optimism.
Well, most fans.
If you’re a fan of the Arkansas Razorback football team like I am, optimism looks just a tad different.
“Do you know how I can tell if Arkansas is about to lose a game?” I asked my friend. “If they have a slim lead in the fourth quarter, it’s almost a guaranteed loss.”
I remembered those words today as I watched the Razorback team earn a lead in the fourth quarter, only to watch as Texas A&M found away to score late, then force a fumble even later to wrap up the win.
I would say I watched in horror, but horror usually involves something unexpected happening. What happened on Saturday has become pretty much the brand tagline for Arkansas football.
Being an Arkansas football fan is a soul-crushing experience. Or at least it was. I think it’s now safe to proclaim that we as a fan base have moved well past having our soul crushed, to having it crushed, removed from our bodies, have it doused in gasoline, then lit on fire, and when whatever ashes remain are left to be scattered to various corners of the country with the hopes that they might somehow settle in the stadium that’s home to a winning football team, like maybe Alabama. Or at least James Madison.
Arkansas fans have come to expect the team to play just well enough to raise the hopes of fans across the state, only to find an excruciating way to lose in such heartbreaking fashion that going back to work on Monday can’t come fast enough.
We know, KNOW, that in the biggest of the big game as well as the biggest of the mediocre to low-quality games, a loss is always just within reach.
It reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons with Sideshow Bob stepping on rake after rake with each step he takes.
Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. However, Razorback fans are NOT insane. Sure, we pretty much expect a punch to the gut every time we turn on to watch the Hogs, but we never know HOW they’ll lose.
I can only imagine there’s a special place in hell for Razorback fans who end up there. A room with many of the same losses on an eternal loop, including losses to such powerhouse teams as San Jose State, North Texas (with a non-fair-catch play), and Western Kentucky, led at quarterback by a former Arkansas QB. And, of course, there’s former Hog lineman Dan Skipper committing a personal foul late against this same A&M team late that helped the Hogs find one more way to lose.
And for those of you who find your way to heaven, don’t even THINK about asking God for any miracles concerning Arkansas football games. There’s not enough time in eternity for THAT many miracles.
I don’t know about you fellow fans, but I’m tired of stepping on rakes!
I would say I’m not going to watch next week. But I just realized Arkansas is playing Tennessee!
Oh sure, I know they’re going to lose, but like a bad movie, I’ve just got to keep watching to see how it turns out!
Holding together the jello 
The lament of all Razorback fans.
Another good story. Keep it up.