Common profanity could be blessing in disguise

I’m a very literal person. I should get that out of the way first. Sometimes too literal.

So maybe that’s why I’ve always questioned one of the most common bits of profanity in the English language.

You know the one. It’s the Biggie. The one that permeates every nook and cranny of society.

So there you are, sitting in the drive thru at McDonald’s, waiting your turn so you can pick up your Filet-O-Fish Sandwich (actually, you and I are probably both getting something different. I just like saying Filet-O-Fish. And I have three of them a year, whether I want to or not.)

The line isn’t moving, so you glance at your phone, maybe for a quick game or two. And you don’t notice the cars in front of you have moved on not only from the line but with their lives in general.

Then the honking starts.

And then, you hear the dreaded yell from somewhere behind you . . . “F – – – You!”

And there it is. The curse words heard round the world. It’s thrown around so much these days, that it’s really lost most of it’s sting. But we still throw it around.

My problem, however, isn’t how much it’s used.

Instead, my real issue is this: what does it even mean?

Yeah, I think I know what people are implying when they say it. But again, I’m a literal person.

When I think about what it means, though, I’m left scratching my head.

My translation of F – – – You seems to mean “I hope you get f – – – ed.” And when I translate that yet again, it seems to mean “I hope you have sex.”

And really, who among us isn’t all in for more sex?

I know I am. In fact, if you saw a picture of me, you’d understand why I need the encouragement.

I mean, think about it. You’re in an argument with someone. You’re mad. You’re heated. You’re reaching that point where you can feel the lava percolating and about to come out your ears, your face is red, and your eyes are spinning around like those of a character on Bugs Bunny from the Saturday morning cartoons we used to enjoy each week.

Then with anger and contempt in your voice, you look into the eyes of the other person and basically . . . wish them the time of their life!

It almost makes me want to cut people off in traffic. To start an argument in Wal Mart over the last chocolate milk on the shelf. To cut in front of someone in the line at the bank. Really, it makes me want to take almost ANY action that will bring on that old familiar profanity . . . and the warm glow of encouragment that comes along with it now.

So the next time you’re driving or just find yourself in an heated argument, and someone lobs the F Bomb your way, just smile, and say “Thank you. I’m hoping for the best.”